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It's 3 AM and I literately cannot sleep. This is perhaps the most stressful subject I have typed in deviantART, and I don't expect people to agree with me, but.. here I go.
The internet is a place where one can freely speak whatever they want. But how free should it be? You can easily type up horrible things about a person and it probably won't affect you. But you know what? This is wrong. Very wrong.

Why do I say this you may ask? Well...
I took part of cyberbullying. And I know, there will be lots of people looking down at me for this, but I will bravely stand here and say the truth.
Now, I didn't necessarily troll or drew something that's downright terrible, but I did gossip. I gossiped around someone's back, and picked on them for being different. My friends and I thought that by picking on one person, it would be funny or "cool".
But do you know how wrong this truly is? This is VERY wrong. It does NOT make you cool or funny. This is a subject that's something serious and cruel and should not be taken halfheartedly.

Everyone is a human. We all have feelings, even though we refuse to admit it deep inside. And when we make fun of a person, they feel emotionally hurt.
First of all, we didn't even know the full story of the person we were picking on. How do you know if they actually have real life problems that may perhaps lead to suicide?
Second, how can we automatically assume that the person that's being picked on is actually mean themselves? Maybe they act mean because they can't help themselves, perhaps because of family or relationship problems.
Third, what do we gain after bullying? We gain absolutely nothing. Instead, we get more agony from people who are actually hurt by the impulsive, rude messages that is sent to the victim.
And how do you think the victim feels? That's right, you have no idea how the victim feels. So what's the point of adding this drama that would result to nothing? This is what I question myself when I cyberbullied with my friends.

I regretted everything I've done and I wish I would have never done it. It's sick to think that one is actually laughing at a person who is emotionally in pain. And this is why, I'm telling you not to follow my footsteps. Don't make the internet more cruel than it should be.
Think before you send. Just think: Is it worth it?
Because truthfully, it isn't worth it at all. If you have friends, then you should stay happy with them. If you're upset with somebody, then keep it to yourself. There is no need to gossip and do many horrible things to them for no reason.

In addition, some of you asked if I trolled a person by using a troll account. My answer is no, I didn't. However, I still take part of the blame. I should have stopped my friends when I had the chance, but I didn't. Instead, I just watched and did nothing besides mockery.
And this is not right, nor will it ever be.

And finally, I am very VERY sorry. To the person who I cyberbullied, I am also very very sorry. I will do anything to prevent this from happening again. I am also sorry I had to block you temporarily, because just like any human would feel like, I am afraid to see any more of this. I can't believe this is what you've been through... The pain, the despair you've been through...
All because of cyberbullying, and for the people like myself who didn't think before sending.
I should have respected your feelings, but instead I was a bully and made the drama worse. And this, this makes me very ashamed of myself. I am extremely flawed in many ways, I know. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I want to tell you that I'm sorry for everything.
You didn't deserve having such negative remarks on your page. We all deserve to be respected towards one and other, not bickering.
I promise by my soul that I will never EVER do cyberbullying again. I will tell my friends to stop the bullying as well.
Again, I am deeply sorry for this mishap, and it will never happen again. I promise.
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Xemera-Draws Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
dont worry, we all think things like this a lot of the time.... a lot of the time, i look back on my past actions and either think 'what the hell was i thinking?!', 'why was i such a dork' or 'man, i'm a ----' ^^;
now, this is for that super long lournal :3 :iconletmehugyouplz:
BlazingDreamOuO Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2013  Hobbyist
Dude, give yourself a pat on the back! :iconbrohugplz: It's hard to admit your own mistakes... and it's nice to know you're truthful to us. 
ThunderElectro Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I believe if this person is still on dA then you should send this journal to them.
neko-Alieth Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Student Artist
everyone makes mistakes ^^  is human nature, and so it is to move on with a lesson.
*cyberhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug <3
RainbowStr8ghtJacket Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:iconslowhugplz: well typed my friend, well typed
PhantomtheBat Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Well said, Koda...Well said.  High-five!
Not everyone out there can understand that bullying of any form is VERY wrong. Kids can be cruel. I'm 15, so I understand. 
Support the sadness
And when I was very young, I was brutally bullied and teased by EVERYONE. They beat me up like it was a joke...And it pisses me off when I see others get treated like crap.  
I will forgive but I won't forget... :OhNoYouDont:
I know, I let my rage get out of control and then I'M the bully. I know I'm a real jerk sometimes. I'm not proud of it. There's no excuse for my actions.  :regret:
As for your "friends," it is NOT cool at all! They should have remorse as well! :rage:
At least you care and you understand the person's feelings. 

Hopefully, he/she forgives you. Pray


riolu-girl1 Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
respect the koda-sodaSad hug emote 
xmadamedawnx Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013   Traditional Artist
Everyone makes mistakes. And plus at least you felt guilty about it and admit it. I'm really sadden that you had did such a thing but atleast you felt bad about it. Plus cyberbullying hurts just like actually bullieing so I do feel bad for the victim. I hope she has forgive you.
SpeedingFox Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013
I'm both disappointed, and proud of you. Disappointed because that you went along with your friends instead of stopping them, however, I'm also proud because you admitted to doing it, and not many people do that. What you said in this journal was really moving, and I learned a few valuable lessons from reading this, "You gain nothing from bullying, only the pain and sorrow of the bullied", to not judge someone just because he or she is different, to think before you send those kind of messages, and so on. Honestly, I'd rather to make a difference and help others than be a bully and jerk to them, if someone asked me to bully someone, I'll just say no and walk away. It's good to know you're making a difference. ^^
lizardlaser Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You know what, one of my friends is avoiding a special ed person because he said "This person sat on him and humped him." Not saying he's wrong or that's a lie but 
then he says do you want to be a persons friend when they humped and sat on you???? I no, but I think he should at least say hi and not run away like he is and
hurting this girls feeling. I still do like him as my friend but somethings I can't stand…. but he is a very likable guy! :3
JlfanBarrett Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist Interface Designer
Cyberbullying does not exist. People are too sensitive and take the Internet too serious. This ain't real life.

Moving on.
lizardlaser Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
you know what I've been cyberbullied at least 3 times already and they don't know what I felt….. someone thought I was gay and a lesbo… Im neither. 
This was a person I didn't know. Some people in the world I suppose have anger issues, has something on their mind thats making them angry, or they
just like to see what its like to shatter a person's feelings… we r al humans and we deserve to be treated like one and were not some alien from outer space,
were human beings. We should be treated like one! 

You my friend, are making a difference in our world already telling people right from wrong Cyber Bullying is wrong!

MatteBlackMaxi Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Student General Artist
This was very brave of you to say.  Not a lot of people own up to cyberbullying.
SonicandShadowfan15 Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Student Digital Artist
It must've been very hard for you to admit something like this, which admittedly is very hard to do, but ether way, you've earned my respect for coming out and speaking the truth.

I've been bullied practically all through my life, and maybe at times I was one who provoked it to happen, but it's still not right to do so. Both bullying and cyberbulling aren't worth the time wasting so much negative energy and people really need to understand the consequences of their actions. I should know since I had to learn that the hard way.

Ether way, thank you so much for saying this. :happycry:

I hope you don't mind that I shared this on Tumblr and Twitter.
TehHappieBunnie Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist

I think as unperfect human beings, everyone can relate as being the bully and the bullied. We feel self-conscience of our own down-falls and feel the need to bring others down with us. Or simply think that words are just words and have no impact on the people we cut deeply with insults as sharp as knifes. Very few acknowledge the fact that they have done a wrong to someone and try to mask it with "They had it coming" or "They deserved it" But in reality, bullying is just a form of taking off your own insecurities and dumping them on others. Even if what you said were true, how would they take the insult? Hardly anyone asks themselves that and when they soon realize what they had done. It's too late, you said what you said and can't go back and change it.

Koda-Soda, It takes guts to say the things you've said on the internet. Where if someone wanted to, could type all the mean junk about you and lose a fan. I enjoy your work but most importantly. I like how you carry yourself, honestly and humble. And don't try to act as if you could do no wrong because if anyone tried to get away saying that. They would be lying! Honestly, if I were the person you bullied and after what you wrote on here. I would forgive you, no doubt. Hug Heart 

Mrxumxum Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013
Entendí un poco de lo que dijiste.. y me parece que hay muy pocas personas que aceptan haber hecho Cyberbulling y que ademas se disculpan por eso... creo que eres buena gente ^^
CandiPhoenixes Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Student General Artist
I proud that you admitted to it. Not that many people do that.
I can honestly say myself that I've been a victim and bully in the past. Being either or aren't fun and it's very painful in the end when you realize what you did as a bully was wrong. Some days I wish I could try to make amends with those I hurt and apologize. I really learned my lesson when I found out one of my high school friends from my sophomore (after I had stopped bullying in middle school and attended high school) killed themselves due to being bullied. That kind of news was depressing and I helped the schools out with their anti-bullying programs to ensure no one would be cyberbullied or bullied/harassed. You are surprisingly enough one of the few people to admit what you did was wrong and that have learned from that mistake. And I honestly wouldn't be ashamed of you for admitting it.
Puyosaur Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm glad your getting to the point 
I don't look down on you, I don't think your a bad person nor friend, it's just the choice you made was really upsetting 
Yes what you've did was wrong in a way, am I mad at you? No I'm not
You weren't involved in it so it doesn't really matter. 
Even though you make bad decisions I still hang around you, I still stick up for you.
Your're truley great friend believe me you are 
But the choices you make sometimes just makes me disappointed 
But I still love you. Everybody makes mistakes, everyone has their flaws, but that's what makes you, you. 
Poohthehedgehog24 Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Koda.... i have no reason to look down upon you, as much as i want to keep this a secret, i bullied someone too... and in turn time gave me a lesson i will never forget as i have been bullied multiple times, i guess it was god's way of karma for me bullying that one kid, i really did regret doing it to this day.

Koda remember when you told me by note that I had the guts to tell you what i have done? well... it seems you have guts just like me to tell people what you have done. Sis no matter what you become, even if u became a bully, i will always love ya, i will always support you even if u changed into a entirely different person. I will say this as well, just like the kids that was bullied to the point of death, I was also thinking of suicide as well until my friends, my family, my DA and my Skype friends saved me from it... yes even you Koda.

There was times as well, that i would do all i can just to stop one person from bullying another just to make sure they didn't have to go through the despair and pain that i was put through.
JessieFoXX Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Everyone makes mistakes it's apart of life but to admit you wronged someone takes guts and I respect you for that. I know what it's like to be bullied not one of them apologized to me. I can be harsh to others at times so I can understand where your coming from. 
PrinceOfQueer Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Student Digital Artist
It's very brave to publicly admit to your past and apologise for them. I don't see how anyone could hate you for it considering the steps you've took to make things right.
TuxSonic Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I've been bullied before and not once have thy ever said sorry to I don't look down upon you but I think of you as a hero who have am motored their faults in front of right before the climax of a story. ^^ You're a brave hero, *koda-soda and I admire for you doing something that not many bpeiple have the guts to do~<3
darkcarol9 Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013
well i been bullying before and i just don't care about it anymore even they keep coming so i still love your art work even you were a bully before
Aquatic-Angel Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist

As they say, what's done is done. If you're sorry that's all that matters to me, for one. :pat:


I hope the person you bullied will feel a little better reading your message and make a good emotional recovery.

SazuXkittyXmi Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I agree... Bully is wrong. :(
Triodon Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
.... ... ..."oh the Tragedy that was done...oh the woe that was won...if I could take back my past...I would...but I am forever to relive this mistake...because of my would be justice I wanted to I know...that deep within us is our own world never seen...that cause's us more pain then ever...this is what I live through every day....your hardships have become my burden...I will find my own...liberation"... ... ...a quote from one of my favorite authors...
ReshiDaVanci Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Human beings are known to make mistakes. Most of them make horrid mistakes that they wish to forget by swallowing them, but the very thing is, that humans are a coward race. They tend to run, to hide and to lie because of fear, the fact they need to hurt someone for nothing means a desperate way to feel good, to feel superior. This goes in "harmony" with bullying, or cyberbullying, where the common human beats someone with words or actions someone who is virtualy weaker than them in order to feel pleasure.

What you have done today is not only become honest with yourself and this poor victim, but also you broke the chain of being a coward and hidding behind other people to not face the concecuences of your acts, I applaud you for having the courage to do so and I'm proud to know such great human being. After all, when you forget about the feelings that other people have to offer, you are going in the way to lose your humanity.
falcon-pup Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
well this is a punch in the cheset even thought i never bullyed but still i have been bullyed by meny peeps and   it is so true that it hurts  after i was bullyed i was destant from my family and freind  i still hurt inside
ROBLOXgeneralduncan Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You dear sir are an example to us all, I tip my hat to you. [I don't have a hat, but you get the idea]

All of us has flaws, all of us needs to see them, and when we do; we need to come to terms with them and then fix them, you have admitted your flaws...again, my hat to you good sir.
KitsuneWerdio Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013
It's great that you told the truth. I hate cyber bullying as well, I haven't taken part of it, but as a victim, it is horrible. I think since you told the truth, you pretty much cleaned the Internet a little.
orangecheer Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow. This was a very excuse me for lack of words, it's 2am for me and I can't brain good of you to do. It's hard to admit when you've done something wrong. It's even harder to come clean for the world to see so I give you a pat on the back for that. It's good to see that you've done something and can empathize for this person. I think it makes you more grown up, matured. I think cyberbullying is a huge issue, one that a lot of people tend to ignore. They don't really think that the words on a screen can be so detrimental and painful to read. No one exactly realizes it until after the person can't stand it anymore and commits suicide. The same goes for bullying in general, I don't see why people do it. I think that the internet and social media and texting has just made it so much easier for those to access bullying on a whole another level. It's horrible that this kind of thing is still happening. I don't see why people do it. I have never done bullying, I've always been the one bullied. I just don't get why people do it. Like you stated, they're not gaining anything from it. Unless they revel in the pleasure of seeing someone else get angry or hurt.
StartlightDark35 Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013
Yeah, I feel ya, buddy. I did the exact same thing once, and I'm still hated for that even though I apologized every day to the girl who I cyberbullied. Now we're best friends in real life, but even though she forgave me, I still regret the day I cyberbullied her when we were kids. But still... That feeling just never goes away..
bumblebeegirl15 Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
What you done wasn't right just as you said, but I don't look down upon you for it. I actually look up to you for admitting your false to begin with. To me someone willing to admit there false and say there sorry for what they've done. Show's bravery knowing it could still mess some of there friendship up, but showing at the same time there brave enough to admit there false.

I hope what I have said makes since. Please no hard feeling on it. It's all meant in a good way.
koda-soda Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much for commenting ;-; I'm very glad to hear such kind wisdom from you. Yes, I did messed up big time, but... I strongly believe there's always a chance to redeem yourself as a better person. Your comment made perfect sense to me, and I greatly appreciate your words. Thank you again ;n;
SeaSideDreams Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013
Hello. :) 

I have to say, it's brave of you to type this out and face what has happened.
I don't know the story, but it seems that you were aware enough to admit
when something got out of hand, and I think you should be commended for 
that. There aren't many people who would try doing as you have with this 
journal. I actually just finished trying to help someone who was being cyber-
bullied today, but it was too late. The person antagonizing them made it so
bad that they had to deactivate their account. :( What's more, the person
who bullied laughed it off, and treated it like they did absolutely nothing wrong.

Cyber bulling is a major problem on the internet. It's that since no one can see
your face, it makes you feel all the more empowered to go and offend, belittle,
and hurt people. But at the end of the day, you have to live with the fact that
you made another human being feel like garbage. The same goes for trolling. Art
thieves especially. They feel like they have the power to go and do whatever they
want, because no one knows who they are. And they fester on the negative 
attention, which makes things worse because that's exactly what they're getting.

But every now and then, you get someone like yourself. :) Someone who comes
to the realization that you've hurt another person, regardless of how they may
have acted against you, or talked in retaliation. And you were mature enough to
tell people "I know I did wrong, and I accept that. And I'm truly sorry for what I 
did." And for that, I want to say thank you. 

Thank you for taking the time to type this. Thank you for letting people know you
just aren't one of those stereotypical cyber bullies who antagonize someone and
then feels no remorse for it. Thank you for showing us that yes, you may be flawed
at times, but you're only human. And you're willing to bear that to us and show us
that you are willing to fix things.

You are a wonderful person for that. I'm not trying to come off as sarcastic, I 
really truly mean that from the bottom of my heart. You are a good person to be
able to post this journal, and put yourself out there instead of hiding away like
others would have. I know it's coming from a stranger, but I feel it's warranted.

Once again, thank you. :huggle:

koda-soda Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I... I have no words... I actually did cry a little bit while reading this. I'm very very sad to hear that the person deactivated their account due to the bullying. It's not right at all...
I hope that bully realizes that it's wrong. Thank you so much for commenting here... you're such a wonderful person to try and help that person, regardless.
I believe that there's always hope in this world, that we all realize our mistakes and forgive each other. Thank you again, thank you so much ;A; :hug:
HeroineMarielys Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Although you did something very wrong, you realize how horrible it was and accepted the fact and promise to never do it again. Some people that cyberbully never come clean about it and hide away of it like cowards. You did the right thing of coming clean of it. As long as you have learned your lesson, then I think you should be forgiven.
koda-soda Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much for feeling this way ;-; Yes, indeed, it was very wrong of me and I feel very guilty for doing it. No one deserves to be treated like this..
I'm glad, however. Writing this makes me feel relieved somehow, because the bullying truly does need to stop. Thank you again :forgiveme:
HeroineMarielys Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Your Very Welcome. I'm extremely against any form of bullying (from both personal experience and outside experience) and normally I never forgive a bully. But considering that you confessed and realized what a horrible thing you did and apologized, I would forgive.
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